★★★★★ 4
Loaded with Information
Format: Paperback
Roberta Gilbert's overview of Murray Bowen's Family Systems Theory is a thorough introduction on how we build individuality through constant interaction. Although it takes a few chapters to understand the terminology ("anxiety", "differentiation", etc.), Gilbert pieces together the general concepts of Bowen's theory through analytical study and real world interpretation. The idea of triangulating and the importance of original family relationships stand out to me as the overwhelmingly important activities which many people don't think twice about. This isn't to discount other aspects of relationships- such as Overfunctioning/underfunctioning, conflict, distance, and cutoff- but these certainly stand out due to the attention Gilbert gives to them.
The one point that I disagree with (although Bowen would say I am in denial) is the urge to put yourself on a different emotional in any and all connections. I understand the benefits to this, but the idea that I would detach and remain coolly above all interactions between those closest to me strikes me as depressing. I feel differentiation and togetherness (which he calls "fusion") do not have to be mutually exclusive. This critique is grounded in pure opinion. My critique from an analytical perspective centers on her ignorance, which could even be called contempt, of love in a relationship. Her rudimentary overview of love in relationships places it neatly in a box next to cutoff, triangulating, and other day-to-day activities. I don't see myself as a hopeless romantic, but the unique attributes of love is noted near unanimously. Viktor Frankl, a noted psychologist himself, wrote about it in his excellent book "Man's Search for Meaning".
Nevertheless, I recommend Extraordinary Relationships for those who really want to dig into ways of improving themselves and the relationships around them. Although the concepts might be a little narrow, the general Bowen Family Theory idea should not be ignored.
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Reviewed in the United States on October 1, 2012
